Does anyone else struggle with this cognitive dissonance?
My identity/orientation is a bit complicated, but to simplify things, let’s say I’m basically a lesbian or gynosexual
IRL/same-size, I’m not attracted to men. I have no desire to date cis men, anyway.
But whenever I daydream about g/t, I’m almost always picturing myself with tiny (usually cis) men.
And although I also like them, I don’t often daydream about tiny women.
I don’t like being tiny much, but if I did picture a giant, they’d be afab.
But generally when I think of amab folks with me in any intimate context, they HAVE to be tiny. And if I’m thinking of afab folks, I’m not as comfortable picturing them tiny.
Maybe it goes back to growing up with this g/t fascination and not trusting men, being phallophobic, and emotionally neglected with social anxiety and an avoidant personality. Men are less threatening/intimidating when they’re tiny. I feel safer.
Making women tiny seems cruel though? An abuse of power? When women already are looked down on so much in society? It seems mean to shrink them when so many women are already considered lesser. And I don’t want to seem misogynistic?
Maybe it’s even weirder as an afab agender person.
Something to do with gender dynamics and power and social/psychological issues all rolled up.
It’s weird though, basically being a lesbian that daydreams intimately about tiny guys. Am I into guys then? No, not IRL/same-size. And what do I do with a woman the same size as me, IRL? IDK because I’ve only ever imagined intimacy with tiny guys????
This is actually really interesting, and it makes a lot of sense to me. Regardless, your feelings are absolutely valid! Thanks for sharing! These sorts of things are not only fascinating, but talking about these things can also help us better understand ourselves and how we interact with others.
I should also add that a lot of my understanding about gender dynamics being so black and white and exaggerating the sexism come from when I was much younger (like 5th grade) and first really forming my ideas about GT. I’ve since expanded my understanding about gender dynamics, like how it’s okay for women to be submissive to men if that’s what they prefer, even if it’s not really my thing and I prefer being more dominant because I feel safer that way.
Also, back when I was just daydreaming about all of this on my own, and hadn’t really engaged in the community and learned about other people’s experiences, I think this was wrapped up in a lot of Shame. Because when it was just me, I assumed that anyone who would be shrunken would be terrified and only want to go back to normal size, because that’s what you always see in stories. I assumed that it would be very terrible and depressing thing to be shrunken. It wasn’t until I got into the community that I really began to understand that there are people out there who actually like being tiny. So when I was just daydreaming about it, it would feel really awful to want to shrink women. But shrinking men felt less like a controlling sort of assault and more like a means of self-defense? (Not talking about sexuality now, just size difference and social dynamics).
I’ve been putting some thought into this, and how I relate to it I can say that, for me, a big part of wanting to be tiny lies in my desire to surrender control. I don’t want to be intimidating, I want to be intriguing. I find comfort in relinquishing myself to someone I trust, and I’ve found that I would have a hard time trusting myself to cis men. Though I’m cis, and straight, but my desire to be small isn’t always sexually driven, despite the fact that I only enjoy the fantasy when it’s with a woman/femme who is larger than me. A lot of the initial feelings came from me being shy, and intimidated by those who I found attractive when I was younger. As someone who was raised in a strict Catholic family, I never once had any sort of “sex talk”, and everything was seen as shameful, so it wasn’t something that was talked about. Add to that, I live in Texas, where public education utilizes abstinence only sex education, and you get someone who had no idea how to make sense out of the feelings I was experiencing, sexual or otherwise. As such, it took me quite a while to figure out me feelings, including that I could engage in this sort of fantasy, or at least some aspects of it, platonically.
I’ve never really wanted to be the bigger one, because I hate the idea of being unable to hide from unwanted attention, as well as the thought that I might frighten or hurt someone. Only recently have I entertained the idea at all, and that was simply to assist a friend who is into the fantasy to some degree, and is still trying to figure out the dynamic they prefer.
The entire fantasy has always been something that I feel ashamed of, probably because of the religious conditioning I received growing up. But I’ve gotten much better at accepting myself. And I’ve learned so much from the community here. I’m so grateful that y’all are here, even if it’s just to know that I’m not alone in my struggle to relate to these feelings, and to find meaning in them.
Reblogging to my kink blog cuz talk of sexual stuff but: I DEFINITELY relate to this!! For instance; I personally also would much rather be in a relationship with a woman (trans or cis) or an AFAB nonbinary person. I just feel more… comfortable/safe/equal with them, and generally I find it easier to relate and befriend them. BUT. In fantasy with vore and G/t and kink, I prefer masculine presenting people. Pretty much for the reasons you stated! Though for me, I prefer IRL to interact with penises. Relationships? Women/women aligned/nonbinary AFAB. Sex? People with dicks. General fantasizing? Masculine usually. Which frustrates me greatly because in general, cis men make me uncomfortable when it comes to relationships and sex. And I WANT to create more feminine character content, but I too feel… weird putting women in situations where they’re powerless/submissive! This is something I’m working on tho, because there are so many small women in this community and WLW who DESERVE content and to be represented. GEH confusion.
Oh man. I find myself very strange in the sense that… it’s women that I /cannot/ imagine or see. I guess I would say it’s a mistrust and disconnect from women (not femininity), especially after having so many examples of abusive women in my life. Though I don’t completely feel safe around men either, I have always felt a stronger/safer belonging/connection to masculinity, as I struggled with how much I expressed that as a biological female. And I always felt closer to male friends and father figures than any mother figures or female friends, but most of all strayed away from dominant women after being dominated by them (as well as friends) with cruelty. Don’t get me wrong, this is merely a personal account. Of course my feelings could never be universal. I just find it interesting how these situations affect fixations. I personally I can’t bare to look at women, especially in vore or gt, because of how unsafe and traumatized by them I feel, for it’s already a mindset I use to put myself in (literally) the smallest position, giving myself to others.
(Here I am rambling about my own account on this as if anyone cares lmao but anyway this is interesting and it’s cool we all have our own outlooks based on personal influences)
Wanted to respond to your original post with some input if I’m allowed!
I think a lot of the time this disconnect or dissonance happens because in fantasy, you’re allowed to explore anything without consequence. In fantasy, we can be anything and do anything and I think that sometimes it’s good that we can differ from real life! Things that might make us uncomfortable or weirded out in real life we can SAFELY explore in fantasy (sexuality, gender, horror, kink, etc).
Relating to this, I’ve found that I’m not a sexual person in real life being greysexual. BUT. In fantasy I explore sexuality, sex, gender, etc and sometimes it helps me discover things about myself that I’m either okay with or know that I wouldn’t want to experience in real life. (Oddly found I’m romantically attracted and sexually attracted to very few men in real life, but in fiction I am almost male exclusive attraction. In real life, I’m the opposite. I’ve been abused by both genders but obviously my brain does some weird exploring.)
Long story short, what you do in fantasy doesn’t automatically correlate to what you do and would be comfortable with in real life since fantasy means you can explore things that might make you uncomfortable in real life SAFELY and WITHOUT BIAS in fantasy! That’s the beauty of it!
That is really fascinating! I love hearing others experiences and views. I mean… Gt/vore and our psyches are SO intertwined, it’s no wonder that past traumas or psychological scars can effect our fixations and fantasies so much!
To add to this my 2 cents (And my counsellor said that this would be a good idea), @hoppitygummyfrog I can understand where you are coming from, I grew up is (and still am) in a household full of women who wanted (and still do want) to restrict how and what I believe in.
Growing up I made bad choice after bad choice regarding friends (They all screwed me over hard after a while). Now I could go on about that but this is neither the time nor place. I then meet a few people who were nice to me and showed basic human decency…dicks but not 100% assholes, ones who smoked drugs, ones who insulted me but never meant it. These people contributed to my kinks and what I like (giants who smoke, and big jerks in general), while focusing on how they (both genders) act masculine.
This is the best way I can explain it as I’m still trying to identify these things.
@justakinkygiant thank you so much for your response! It’s definitely frustrating, because it makes it difficult to leave fantasies and try to picture what sort of IRL relationship one could realistically have, every we all the conflicting elements. And it’s difficult to explain to the average person. That’s why I wanted to bring it up in the community
@hoppitygummyfrog Thank you so much for sharing! I’m literally inviting everyone to write essay responses to this haha and your English is great, so no worries. Your experience is as valid as everyone else’s. Fantasize about those you feel most comfortable with, and don’t worry about the judgment of others. We all have our preferences and vitally important reasons for why they developed. G/t is the perfect way to explore comfort with boundaries and trust.
You know, I’ve come to realize.
When it comes to my sexual fantasy, I want to be dominated by either a man, woman, or non-binary. I’d love to be fucked by a giant cock or inside a giant pussy. But that’s my g/t sexual fantasy.
In irl, I prefer to be with a man honestly. I just remember reading about cognitive things with @tiny-taker and @justanothergiant and it’s interesting to find out how similar and different we all are.
Maybe that’s where my pansexual side is mostly at, with my sexual fantasy? Instead of real life? Because real life I’m attracted to men and I’m actually demisexual, I need to make a bond.
Is it weird? Oh gosh I don’t know 😣
With regard how closely one personally identifies with one’s size fantasies, I’ve heard many different answers over the years. Some people report feelings of size dysphoria, that they feel on a physical level that they aren’t supposed to be the same size as everyone else. Others have a strong size persona that they feel more comfortable inhabiting and relating to the world through. Some people have more than one such persona. To some size fantasy is a genre of role-playing, and they may have interests in playing different roles, including those from other kinks mixed in. Size fantasy can be a form of storytelling, either graphic or textual or a combination thereof, with all the needs and pleasures of any other kind of fiction. For some people size fantasy is a kind of hobby, a persistent idle fascination. And still others find size fantasy a temporary refuge, a layover as they explore their imaginations and move on to different desires.
I don’t think any of these approaches is more “valid” or “healthy” or “authentic” than any of the others. I understand some better than others, but that’s just me. My own experience of size fantasy has changed over the years, and I like to think I understand myself better. I am certainly more comfortable with it now than at any time previous.
Before it was sexual, my interest in size fantasy was a morbid fascination with how helpless a mouse-sized person would be. How easily and casually they could be handled, controlled, entrapped. Part of the fascination came from watching full-size people suddenly appreciate the power they now held over a tiny person. Even people of good character found it hard to resist at least playing with or teasing tinies. A careless or unaware full-size person could wreak enormous havoc upon tiny people. Being tiny was innately humiliating. Whenever size differential appeared in a TV show or a movie, I was instantly alert to how others reacted, to see if they shared my fascination. I didn’t really understand it at the time, but I was taking others’ measure of empathy and cruelty. I was also examining myself.
I wasn’t particularly identifying with any party in these scenarios. It was the encounter itself that fascinated me. Children’s entertainment is full of large characters devouring small ones, but it is almost always harmless and reversible. I became obsessed with those few instances where it wasn’t. I wanted to witness both the horror of being ingested as well as the domination of devouring another. It seemed both ridiculous and primal.
This combination of absurd and powerful also resonated with me as I began exploring my sexual feelings. I am a cishet male and have always been attracted (almost exclusively) to AFAB girls and women, but at a very early age I rejected what I perceived as society’s expectations for me as a heterosexual male. I thought everyone was trapped in a theater of selfishness and exploitation and manipulation, and I would rather be castrated than participate. Many adolescents go through periods of anxiety and self-pity and misanthropy, but I cultivated mine for many years.
But I still had sexual feelings, of course, and I felt I had absolutely no control over them. In fact, they were simply redirected into my fantasy life, which had always been active bordering on distracting. It seemed quite natural to imagine myself as a tiny bug of a boy, trying not to be noticed by the popular giant bullies, spying on the beguiling giantesses, hoping to meet a gentle protectress but believing I deserved to be captured by a callous tormentress.
“Ironically,” the freedom granted by my imagination allowed me to explore and understand why I felt guilt and shame and insecurity. Make no mistake, I had disappeared up my own ass for years, time that could have been spent getting to know a wide range of girls and expanding the range of myself. I might have even met a girl with size fantasies herself, which would have changed my life in unimaginable ways.
Of course the genre of size fantasy that alarmed me the most was when I considered the possibility of holding a shrunken woman myself. As it happened, that idea took root in my head back when I thought the most compelling conclusion of size fantasy was vore. As someone who viewed all heterosexual relationships as adversarial (that were usually dominated by men and their desires), the notion that I wasn’t already sufficiently advantaged and that I had to shrink women and stuff them in my mouth in order to find satisfaction was unbearable. So I simply buried all M/f fantasies for decades. It wouldn’t be until I found and listened to female M/f fans on the internet that I began to come to peace with this.
As I discovered other size fantasists and the resulting diversity of size fantasies, I slowly stopped thinking of this as a kink that happened to me and more of an aesthetic for which I had spent years developing an appreciation. In addition to acknowledging my M/f fantasies, learning what inspired other people helped expand and illuminate what I found arousing about size differential. Detaching my size fantasies from the core of my sexual identity allowed me to enjoy them without thinking I was expressing my “true self.” This was mainly helpful for considerations of consent, but it also but also for experimenting with how it feels to voluntarily surrender power. I’m still pretty unpracticed at roleplaying with these concepts, but I always try to explore them in my stories.
It is perfectly normal and valid for people to bring “issues” to size fantasy to work through. I have clearly done so. I admire people who imagine and create size fantasies that depart dramatically from their real life experiences, but that doesn’t alienate them from those of us who would carry on just the same if we suddenly found ourselves giant or tiny. With empathy and respect, our imaginations can accommodate anyone.
Originally posted: 16 Oct 2018