Wanted: Stress Tinies

position

I need some tinies to hang out on my desk at work and provide stress relief as needed.  Ideal candidates will be patient, compassionate, and have good physical stamina.

Primary Duties Include:  Being available for prolonged handling, performing a wide variety of diverting exercises and dances, delivering therapeutic massage to high-stress regions

Secondary Duties Include:  Providing emotional counseling for workplace trauma, covert monitoring of supervisors and gathering co-worker gossip, other duties as assigned

Dress Code:  Clothing optional, but whatever you wear must be able to tolerate high heat and humidity

Jobsite Amenities:  Use of my phone for Internet/games, mouse pad as yoga mat, unlimited free Red Bull and other energy drinks

Compensation:  Depending On Endurance

If you understand and accept the risks and still wish to be considered for this position, submit your resume along with an audition video.


 

Originally posted:  17 Jan 2018

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4 thoughts on “Wanted: Stress Tinies

  1. This would be the sort of thing great to see in a classified section of… however classifieds are advertised these days. In The National Tattler maybe.

    I don’t see anything about meals and adequate rest. I’m going to have to report you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lower courts have ruled that OSHA protections do not extend to tiny workers, but there is an appeal heading toward the Supreme Court. Unless and until they overturn the ruling, your report is going to be fruitless.

      Liked by 1 person

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