I need some tinies to hang out on my desk at work and provide stress relief as needed. Ideal candidates will be patient, compassionate, and have good physical stamina.
Primary Duties Include: Being available for prolonged handling, performing a wide variety of diverting exercises and dances, delivering therapeutic massage to high-stress regions
Secondary Duties Include: Providing emotional counseling for workplace trauma, covert monitoring of supervisors and gathering co-worker gossip, other duties as assigned
Dress Code: Clothing optional, but whatever you wear must be able to tolerate high heat and humidity
Jobsite Amenities: Use of my phone for Internet/games, mouse pad as yoga mat, unlimited free Red Bull and other energy drinks
Compensation: Depending On Endurance
If you understand and accept the risks and still wish to be considered for this position, submit your resume along with an audition video.
Originally posted: 17 Jan 2018
El Amante Menguante 
This would be the sort of thing great to see in a classified section of… however classifieds are advertised these days. In The National Tattler maybe.
I don’t see anything about meals and adequate rest. I’m going to have to report you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lower courts have ruled that OSHA protections do not extend to tiny workers, but there is an appeal heading toward the Supreme Court. Unless and until they overturn the ruling, your report is going to be fruitless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very well, I’ll just have to take this to the court of public opinion. See you in social media hell! >8D
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re making such a compelling case for Twitter.
LikeLike