I have just finished reading The New Topping Book and its predecessor The New Bottoming Book. Both have been fun, sexy reads. I’m almost certain at least one of the authors has at least an awareness of microphilia and macrophilia, as they often refer to feeling large as a top and shrinking as a bottom. Even if it’s only metaphorical, it certainly resonated with me. Mind, heart, spirit, and definitely my body.
Both books have been full of revelations for me, as I struggle with my identity as a switch, a dominant, a submissive, a Giantess and a tiny.
I am grateful to have read both books. They have fed both of my Giant/tiny identities. Perhaps most important to me has been the revelations surrounding my own darkness. Processing my shame around my kinks has been hard but worth it. I never knew that these dirty, dark sides of me could bring such healing, both for myself and my partners.
I had no concept of nurturing in a BDSM context. I didn’t know that I was capable of such things, though my own body and heart and mind and soul vibrated like strings on a violin when I approached it more closely.
“How can we do spirituality and healing with such dirty stuff? A lover of Dossie’s had a fine answer for that – ‘I know my fantasies have dirty roots.’ And how else would you grow roses?”
There’s a remarkable poem at the end of the Bottoming Book, which is written from the perspective of a bottom who is acting as a crucible for her top. She’s using her ability to take pain and transform it into pleasure, and channeling the agony into alchemy.
I have never felt such strange sizeshifting while reading it. A submissive who grows to encompass all the excruciating pleasure of her dominant. It’s beautiful and even if I’m not into fisting, it gives me chills.
WHEN YOU FUCK ME I BECOME ENORMOUS
When you fuck me I become enormous:
A greatness grows inside me,
Around your hand I Swell
Resistance amplifies, friction heats,
Pushing pulls up power so I
Struggle, thrashing and yelling, straining against you.
Restraining, you overpower me, hold me down hold me still so
I can feel heat of cunt, pressure of blood,
Swelling of delicate tissues stretched beyond reason,
The obvious redness of passion.Your face over mine, your eyes penetrating, your fist in deep
I am strung out on a burning rope, threaded
From your fist in my cunt to your tongue in my mouth you
Open me a channel that stretches far beyond both of us.
You pour through me red like vaporized stone
Laughing now me gasping and I am gigantic full of youYou grab my hair, cover my mouth, drown me with
Your tongue, sweet complicated taste of hot mixed spit I suck you in, your wetness
Blows me up again a huge balloon
How can I breathe?
I reach my heart out below us and
Pull up redness from the center of the earth where stone melts, and I
Suck you down into me all cavernous
With your hand I pull you through me
String you on the burning rope stretched through me from the earth to the moon.You spread your fingers wide in side of me
I stretch, not knowing why, so I
Take you in deeper, push you back, you
Fuck a rougher rhythm, swift I levitate and
Still you hold me down, pouring
Through me (gaping) liquefied stone…
All walls melt.I can take you, all of you, and
I can give you back.Dossie Easton, © 1993. Originally published in The Bottoming Book, Greenery Press, San Francisco, 1995.
Excerpt from “The New Bottoming Book” by Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy
I don’t practice D/s in real life, and I realize that exploring my D/s feelings through a solipsistic fantasy is worlds apart from real people sharing a negotiated experience where they put their actual bodies and spirits into the mix. However, listening to people discuss their D/s thoughts and experiences—both inside and outside of G/t—has given me some very helpful tools for explaining my size fantasy desires to myself and possibly to others.
I can take you, all of you, and
I can give you back.
If a real life woman ever said that to me, I would trust her with my soul. If she said it to me after reading this blog, I would also trust her with a shrinking potion.
Originally posted: 24 Feb 2017
El Amante Menguante 
That’s a very powerful passage. I’m still on the fence about exploring the roles/culture of BDSM, partly because I have a stigma around it to get over, and partly because I don’t really feel a need for it, like there’s no place for it in my life. I could make that place, but it’s not the answer to a present question. OTOH, in the name of intellectual rigor I feel like I should be open to reading up on this, and to a lesser degree than Elle expressed, it would certainly inform my writing. Better to be open to these things than reflexively closed off without experience.
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I came to the idea of roleplaying in the bedroom very late in life, so until recently I haven’t had occasion to examine BDSM very closely. I still don’t think I’d ever practice it, but I am continually grateful for the insights that BDSM kinksters have brought to discussions of size fantasy. If you’re interested in depicting a long-term relationship that involves size differential, there’s a lot of overlap.
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