The Persistence of Motivation

Shrunken Olo gazing in awe and lust at the nude sleeping form of Aja from the movie KINGSAJZ
Kingsajz (1987)

Today marks the tenth anniversary of my very first post on any Internet size fantasy site. It was the first chapter of the first size fantasy story I ever wrote for publication. It was a leap of something to decide that I wanted to add my voice to the size conversation, and that someone wanted to hear it. I’ve met several fascinating people in the online size community over the years, and a precious few of them have given me helpful feedback on my writing. One person even said my writing has improved over time.

I’ve been struggling recently to devote most of my free time to writing a story that I don’t know more than a single person would want to read. My motives are divided between wanting to express a vision and just wanting to get more practice at creative writing. I’m also trying to improve my executive functioning, such that simply completing a task I have set for myself is an achievement. I have unquestionably benefited from reader feedback, but “writing for myself” remains my only reliable motive.

I wonder if I shouldn’t experiment with crafting a story that I know I will not share with anyone. How will that inform my judgment? Should that even make a difference?

The goal of the Size Aesthetic project is to develop ways to appreciate size fantasy beyond the simple litmus test of “does it scratch my itches or not.” I always love it when people tell me they get off to the same things I do, but these days I’m more concerned with whether I’ve told a compelling story, whether I’ve described a vivid scene, whether I’ve introduced interesting characters. These concerns, of course, apply to all creative fiction, not just size fantasy.

I’ve never participated in a creative writing workshop, either in school or for recreation. Perhaps I should look into changing that.

2 thoughts on “The Persistence of Motivation

  1. After writing about the same woman obsessed with shrinking the same tiny man for nearly two decades, I’ve long since reached the point you describe, of wanting to write good stories that happen to include size.

    Not sharing a story should not make a difference in how you write it, but it probably will. Maybe. Or it makes a difference to me. Anything that I’ve written for myself has been self-indulgent, careless, and unpolished as hell, as long as it contains the words and events I want it to have. And maybe there’s a reason I haven’t reread any of those stories in many years.

    But your motives seem different to me, more elevated than mine, so I’m on the side of crafting it in a way that makes it interesting to the point of re-readability.

    A creative writing workshop sounds fun! Have you joined one yet?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if my motives are more “elevated,” but it’s clear that if I don’t find an outlet for my creative energies my brain will just get more creative about finding new ways to distract and depress me.

      No, I haven’t found a creative writing workshop yet. I’ve asked someone who knows someone, but nothing’s come of it so far. My therapist asked what I would feel about showing him one of my stories, and that’s ignited some uncomfortable thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

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