It’s been one year since I fled Tumblr after it was hit by the Pornocalypse. I still miss the daily interaction, but I also don’t regret my decision to slow down and concentrate on writing. It was about as difficult a transition as I had expected, that is, not very. Only a handful of people visit this blog, but I enjoy composing for them and I’m happy with the feedback. Time for a tumbler (heh) of Oban 14 and some reflection.
My volume of writing has increased over the past year, but not explosively. I am, however, spending more time thinking about writing, and that’s good in of itself. I still have a half-dozen ideas half-started on legal pads, but I no longer despair that I will never get to them. My characters are waiting for me to tell their stories, and every time I think of them they’re smiling at me.
I actually feel more a part of the size community now than I did before the Tumblr exodus, primarily because we all were forced to think about how much it meant to each of us. Loading in with Size Riot also helped, of course, because it reinforced my identity as a writer, which is where I feel most comfortable creating and contributing. It’s also where I feel most passionate advocating.
I still regularly take a peek at what’s happening on Twitter and DeviantArt. I have an account at the latter where I note my favorites and occasionally comment. As to the former, I have a mess of people’s public pages bookmarked, and when I have the time I open them and scroll to see the latest. Occasionally I feel a tug of regret when I cannot participate in a given thread, but then I remember how much time and mindspace social media can assume if unchecked.
I have no idea whether Tumblr explicitly pioneered the timeline as the fundamental structure of social media, but that “constant flow” is how I remember Tumblr being pitched by the first of my blogging circle to adopt it. Back then no one “followed” each other; at best we were “subscribers” or “members” of a particular blog. Now the constantly-updated timeline model is so common as to be unspoken, but there was a time when users “pulled” content to their browser rather than having it “pushed” at them by a dozen apps.
Speaking for myself, I much prefer the former. To me, the wonder of the Internet is all this information, indexed and available at any time. I can engage with it on my terms, not having to contort my schedule or attention to keep up with the latest tidbit. I also have the time to make considered comments, often going through multiple drafts to make my meaning clear. I cannot afford to be in a race to be “first” or to amass a reassuring collection of “likes” and “reblogs.”
I find greater satisfaction putting energy into organizing my thoughts, my writing, and my blog. I love comments, questions, feedback of all kinds, and WordPress notifies me immediately of them all. Even more, I love taking the time to think about others’ thoughts and formulating my replies. That is how I retrieve what is important from the maelstrom of my life and my mind and bring it to a place of repose.
The world is an inferno. The planet is melting, fewer and fewer own more and more, and democracy is being sabotaged and plundered. Everyone lives in bubbles of affirmation and resentment, and objective truth is impossible. The Republican Party will destroy this country rather than share it, and I don’t believe there is a Constitutional remedy. Something’s gotta give. I was quite serious when I suggested that a giant earth goddess should devour our civilization and shit it out.
The stress and anxiety from this relentless march of welpschmerz is one of the reasons I spend so much time in fantasy. These little acts of creation give me a sense of control and purpose, and I am grateful to be able to share them with an audience, however small. Even better, our little community is quite industrious and courageous, which fortifies me.
SizeCon2020 is coming up, and I’m looking forward to hearing how both new attendees and veterans find new connections and inspirations. Many size fantasists are experimenting with new genres and media, and there are some truly alchemical collaborations going on. I’m delighted to discover that I now seem to find new perspectives and juxtapositions invigorating rather than threatening.
Every community has its discontents, and size fantasists are no exception. Can’t say that I miss seeing those willful misunderstandings and unwarranted escalations coming through the daily stream. My only response is to offer the words of the late Michelle McNamara, “It’s chaos. Be kind.”
I’m trying to get back into swimming. The pool is a familiar space, away from technology, and I get a lot of good ideas and dialogue while I’m doing laps (and when I go for walks (when there’s more daylight)). Also, you never know when you’re going to be abducted by a giantess. Stamina is the key to survival.
I see no sign of the Pornocalypse abating as media consolidation continues to pressure open platforms to become advertiser-friendly walled gardens. In its quest to supplant Facebook, I suspect Twitter will ramp up the sanitization, starting with shadowbans. WordPress seems to be okay with textual smut (including the violence and non-consensual stuff I sometimes indulge in), but NFSW imagery is still forbidden, and let’s face it, we wouldn’t have a size smut community if we couldn’t share raunchy pics.
I really hope we can continue the conversation about what we like about size smut and how we can get better at it. There is no one-size-fits-all (heh) template, but I think we can refine our expectations beyond simple size configurations and featured body parts. We should make space for thoughtful criticism with the goal of mutual improvement and appreciation.
I’m staying at WordPress for as long as they’ll have me, but I want to hold onto as many connections as we have, however disjointed and tenuous they may become. I still welcome any additions, updates, or removals to Where To Find Everyone. If you have a change to make, let me know.
Like exercise, writing is hard to start but fulfilling once I get going. I like myself when I’m writing, even when it’s slow going. I wish I could devote more time to it. I’m not one for resolutions, but I am one for hope.